On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
