What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
