but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
