please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
