Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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