A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
3pm strippers are depressing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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