woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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