i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
