I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
