dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize