ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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