K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize