Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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