that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
