she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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