When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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