im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
