Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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