I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
