I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
