I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
