and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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