I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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