Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
