I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
