i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
