dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
