So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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