I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize