my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
