I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh god it's open bar.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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