She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
