if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize