Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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