loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
