we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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