After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
