oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want to make out with him forever
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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