So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
