Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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