I think my vagina is haunted
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
