life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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