If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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