my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We're too hungover to prance.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
