I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize