That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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