what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
