dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
