the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
