I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
