she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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