you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
