I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
