When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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