People in love make me want to vomit
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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