i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize