is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
