Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
