Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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