After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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