My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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