If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
