dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
