two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
