the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We have started to decorate penises.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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