She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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