Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
