so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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