Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
