We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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