you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
