At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
