Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize