You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
