There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
