they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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