dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize