I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my liver is dry heaving
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
